There were so many choices, my head actually hurt at the number of possibilities.
I could probably have thrown a dart at a wall map and made it easier on myself, but then I’d chance having to commit to causing the End of the World. And I really didn’t want to be responsible for that. People are just starting to like me and stuff.
So I had to narrow down my choices another way. Distance in the opposite direction was a good place to start. And a writer’s conference in New Mexico? For Latino writers? That sounded right up my ally.
#1: I’m a writer.
#2: I’m Latina.
#3: It wasn’t California.
Before anyone gets their panties in a bunch, I have nothing against anything, any part, or anyone in California. I’ve never even been there. And until we moved from Michigan to Arizona a little over a year ago, I really didn’t think I’d ever even be within driving distance of what I have since come to refer to as The Cali Curse.
I hadn’t even thought about it in forever. It wasn’t until Bloggy Bootcamp and hooking up with another writer, Mary, that it even came up at all. See, she lives in California and wants to talk book projects with me and thought it might be a good idea to meet up. I said sure. But you have to come here because the minute I cross the state line, The Big One will probably hit and well, that just wouldn’t be good.
I got a “blink, blink?”
So I explained how once, when I was 21 and stupid because it’s really not possible to be 21 and stupid which you won’t realize till your at least 31 and smarter I went to see a psychic with a few sorority sisters. I only remember three things that she said.
#1: I had a very long life line that split in the middle, which meant my life was going to change drastically in my future and by drastic, she didn’t mean I was going to grow up, graduate, get a job, and get married. She meant BIG big…but I didn’t get any other details.
#2: I was only going to get married once. She didn’t tell me if that meant I could start planning my 50th wedding anniversary party the moment I got engaged (because I wasn’t at the time) or if I was gonna crash and burn so hard on the first attempt that I wasn’t going to bother trying again. I’m trying to be optimistic, so I agreed to change my name when The Husband and I said “I do” almost eight years ago.
#3: I could never go to California. If I did, something very bad would happen. And bad as in very very very bad. I asked if I was going to get murdered or if the world was going to end or if Tom Cruise would one day jump on Oprah’s couch, but she couldn’t say. She just took my hand, looked me in the eye, and flat out told me to never go to California.
And I believed her.
A lot of time has passed, but I’ve never forgotten that visit. Because really, do I want to be responsible for the unknown? Even The Husband is perfectly content to avoid disaster. If we ever want to go see Mickey Mouse, we are flying to Florida even though we can drive to Cali that much faster. And if I happen to get a book made into a movie and am asked to walk the red carpet on premier night the entire world will have to sign a release form promising not to get pissed should The Big One actually occur when the plane touches down in Hollywood.
So you see why I selected The National Latino Writer’s Conference for my first shot out of the gate. I’m on my way to New Mexico in a few days, and the world can sleep better knowing I’m that much further away from the California border.
Okay, first of all… REALLY wish I would have known about this writer’s conference. I’m a Latina… AND my family (as in the way back family) is from New Mexico. In fact, the story I am writing goes right through the Turquoise Trail and Old Spanish Trail. Dammit!
As far as the earthquake being set off by you coming to Cali… please do it. I’ve lived all my damn life waiting for “The Big One” and since I am sufficiently earthquake proofed, I’d like to just get it over with already.
You can stay at my house.
Yikes! That’s freaky!! I’m with M-K- that whole state is now going to creep me out.
Hey, congrats on your Parents Picks pre-nomination! I voted for you!
Jill! I think I just girl-blogger-crushed a little when I saw your name in my comment cue. But on to business:
1) Yes, California freaks me out. Which kind of sucks now that I live in a bordering state.
2) Yay! Thanks! Woohoo! and Wow!
3) Please feel free to repeat step two every day from now to June 17. The Universe will thank you and the good mojo could, in fact, possibly cancel out the bad from that psychic, thereby freeing me of this curse and allowing the entire world to breathe easier.
4) I’m girl-blogger-crushing again
I TOTALLY think you need to go to another fortune teller, and get your RIGHT fortune told.
And when you come to Cali, I’ll buy you a drink to help you relax! 
Can it be a BIG drink, Ali? Like a super-sized Long Island Iced Tea? Cuz I think I’m gonna need a lot of alcohol to not get all Mel Gibson in Conspiracy Theory.
Dammit. Now you’re freaking me out.
I just wrote a post about how a psychic told me in 1995 I would be moving to Cali from my hometown of Chicago…(she drew ocean waves and the state of CA and everything on a piece of paper upon which she wrote what my dead grandmother “told” her to).
And? I DID move to Cali and now your psychic is freaking me the F out.
Still, maybe she meant “bad” in the slang sense. Like cool bad?
Maybe not.
Let Mary and Tiff come see you.
So here’s the deal, Momma, i don’t know if the psychic was yanking my chain or totally telling the truth. I DO know that the whole life changing drastically thing happened…a few times over. My dad died at 50, we moved from Michigan to Arizona, and we had enough family drama to start our own Mexican family telenovela. But does that make her other prediction true? (This is me, too chicken to find out.)
Shoot…*I* don’t even want to go to California after reading that!! That lady just scared the crap out of me!
I know, right? Kind of pisses me off, Kat, because if I every really do HAVE to go, I’m gonna be a mess the entire time I’m there. So here’s hoping our next move takes us to the other side of the country.
To Fickle Nickle, Mama Mary, and Becca, thanks for reading and commenting.
Mary, let’s just avoid the bad mojo until Hollywood comes calling and I HAVE to break the curse. Till then, you and Tiffany can come hang out at my place.
Becca, you are welcome.
;D
You crack me up.
I’m still voting for a seance or another psychic reading to break this damn curse! But yes, Tiff and I will go to you. Love ya. Mean it!
xoxoxo
Oman!! Remind me to never go to a psychic. I lived in Ca most my life (now in AZ), and your not missing much:) xo
Sara, you rock. Thanks for the vote of confidence!
It’s hard not to believe these psychic ladies. They are quite persuasive. And, well, you’ll just have to walk the red carpet in Cannes!
Enjoy your conference, meet lots of great people, and don’t forget to laugh and enjoy yourself. Remember, you’re there because you ARE a writer!
Can’t wait to hear how much fun you have.
Tiffany! You sweet, sweet thing! Thank God. Because I really didn’t want to be bringing the bad mojo with me.
DON’T.YOU.DARE step foot in my state.
I totally believe in all that voo-doo nonsense and I HATE earthquakes, disasters, etc.
Seriously. Mary and I will come see you.
End.of.story.