I’ve been trying to decide for a while now how I will celebrate the day my (currently non-existent) agent calls me with the incredibly fantastical awesome news that I have a book deal. It’s much like the fantasy normal people have about how they will spend their fortunes the day they hit it big with the lottery, except the ticket is a publishing house contract with my name on it.

I could buy an(other) expensive purse. As in, not in the clearance section at Target. (Not gonna happen.)

I could go celebrate in Vegas…if I brought my mom along with me so we can take turns leaving the hotel room sans pre-schooler. (Boring.)

Or I could just treat myself and my little family to a nice dinner out? (Typical.)

If this ever happens, I want to mark the event with something memorable. So last night I told The Husband I was going to buy a Finger Monkey when The Day arrives.

The conversation went something like this:

The Husband: “Are you insane?”

Me: “That wasn’t the topic of the conversation. The Finger Monkey is.”

The Husband: “You are insane. Why do you want a Finger Monkey?”

Me: Blink, blink. “Really? Just look at that little face!”

The Husband: (Sighing) How much do those things run?

Me: That’s is also not up for discussion at this point. But if I get my dream agent and they get me my dream book deal, then I’m pretty sure the Finger Monkey won’t really be an issue.”

The Husband: “You’re dreaming.”

Me: “You’re forgetful. We had this conversation when we got engaged. Getting my own monkey is all part of the Master Plan.”

The Husband: “What Master Plan?”

Me: “The one where I first get you to say I can get a Finger Monkey after I get a book deal and then I turn it around and convince you that you told me I could get one now and name it Platform.”

The Husband: “Platform?”

Me: “Exactly. That way when another agent writes to say the book sounds interesting but thinks I need to build a bigger platform, I kindly email back with a photo of Platform: The Secret Agent Monkey, wrapped around my pointer and explain that I already have a very cute and manageable platform already. Then I ask them where I sign.”

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  6 Responses to “Platform-The Secret Agent Monkey”

  1. LOL!! I’ve never even heard of finger monkeys but I think that’s a brilliant plan! Your husband’s one tolerant guy, huh? ;) I always thought I’d celebrate my book deal by going to Nordstrom and having a personal shopper help me pick out an outfit for my Today Show appearance. Dream big, right?

    • Abby! I love seeing your comments here. And I have misled you. The Husband is not tolerant in real life. I may be allowed to blog about my little finger monkey but actually GETTING one? I sincerely doubt it. But a girl can dream. As for the platform building plans, why didn’t I think of that? Clearly, I should have consulted other writers for a total snark fest on the platform building front.

  2. OMG, I had no idea finger monkeys existed. Seriously too cute! I have a bottle of champagne for the day my book is published. Not as adorable and awesome as a finger monkey. Love this story!

  3. I would like to have a platform too. Very cute.

  4. Is that thing REAL??? If so, I want one too!!! I’m sure it would spend it’s days wrapped around the cats’ tails though.

    Tell The Husband it’d be cheaper if he just got over himself and bought you the new ring already…because I bet you could park the ring just fine.

  5. OMG, that thing is so cute I almost cried a bit. But my cat would so eat it.

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