If pizza is a vegetable, I will:
* swap out my daughter’s organic white milk for a Hershey’s Bar.
* call that Slim Jim good with the protein and tell her she can throw away her skinless chicken breast.
* throw caution (and my sanity) to the wind and start serving Pop Tarts for breakfast.
* take my child out for fast food every day just because a toy comes with the burger and fries and stop wondering why she doesn’t remember what a carrot tastes like.
* toss that natural peanut butter (you know, the kind that’s made with — wait for it– nothing but peanuts?) in the trash and hand her a Reece’s Peanut Butter cup.
* start serving Ruffles with dinner instead of sweet potatoes. It’s practically the same thing, right?
* accept that three Fruit Roll-Ups a day cover her basic requirements in a way apples and bananas never could.
* start every dental check up for my child by kneeling as I make the sign of the cross while whispering, “Forgive me, Doctor…for I have sinned…”
Then again, unless said pizza is served with, you know, actual vegetables on it, I’m really not sure what Congress was smoking when they decided that the two tablespoons of tomato sauce on the average school lunch pizza is enough to count it as a vegetable. Especially since tomatoes are a fruit, last time anyone checked. And by anyone, I mean anyone without a lobbyist for the industries that would have been affected had frozen pizza been blackballed as unhealthy kissing their asses, I mean.
First Pluto gets demoted and now Congress calls a fruit puree spread over a processed baked crust and covered with mounds of processed cheese and then frozen to be thawed and served to our nation’s children a vegetable…
Someone get me a glass of wine.
I need my daily serving of fermented fruit.
“First Pluto gets demoted and now Congress calls a fruit puree spread over a processed baked crust and covered with mounds of processed cheese and then frozen to be thawed and served to our nation’s children a vegetable…”
Doesnt’ that mean that Pop-tarts are ALSO a veggie? I mean if you serve it with a side of processed cheese, freeze it and then thaw it. That will save me SOOOOOOOOO much time in the mornings,..
Sadly, this is not a new development. When I was in school—lo, those many, many years ago—ketchup was classified as a “vegetable,” as were the fries (they’re made of potatoes after all, I suppose….). Who cares what the schools call it….we are all as parents in charge of what we offer our children to eat….good or bad.
However, what the school’s provide–or what we provide via lunches boxed for our kids—if we’re NOT there to supervise their intake, they’ll eat only what they “want” anyway.
Distressing, yes; entirely something we can “control,” not so much….
Thanks, Ardee. I thought it was a joke when I first read it. Frankly, I still think it is and am grateful I’m still in charge of what is referred to as a vegetable in my own home.
I saw this news story and was appalled. Thank you for succinctly expressing my outrage in a way I never could have for all of the blustering. You rock!
Ardee-ann
Tomatoes are a “fruit” of the nightshade family, so, if you want to go way back, you might as well start burning people who can eat them at the stake for being witches. If you’re to believe whatever crap government hands you at any given time. And I’ll totally take you up on that fruit serving…in fact, make mine a double serving. I have a pyramid to complete.
….
Long live Planet Pluto.
I knew you had something to do with those pyramids.