I’m tweaking out, people. My head feels like it’s in a vice and if I was still smoking, I’d tell you that I really needed a cigarette break right now. But since I’ve replaced the need for nicotine with a prescription for pharmaceutical grade speed, I’ll be honest and tell you that I only took one of my two pills today and I am pretty sure the fact that I’m counting the minutes until 8 a.m. tomorrow when I take my next dose means I’m probably about two steps removed from a twelve step program and a sponsor.
I didn’t forget it. I didn’t take it on purpose. The doctor tells me that skipping doses when I don’t have to do anything important will keep my body guessing, thereby making the dose I am on work longer before it has to be adjusted and I start responding to Mama, I’m hungry with Not now, sweetie. Mommy hasn’t taken her speed yet.
All of that was a really long-winded way of saying that the rest of this post will be a series of randomly connected thoughts because my brain is having a party right now and the music is too loud for me to concentrate. Also? Who wants coffee? Or can I down this whole pot I just made?
Random thought #1 -
I’m writing this at 5:50 p.m. on Sunday evening. The Husband has been at work for three hours now and I didn’t put a bra until I showered after he drove off for the first shift of a three month stint on swings. I don’t know about you, but the bittersweet thrill of my almost kindergartner being out of my hair from 7:40 a.m. – 2:40 p.m. is kind of lost when you take into consideration that The Husband will be out of bed around 10 a.m. and leave for work just thirty minutes before I have to pick up Buttercup from school. That leaves me with a grand total of maybe 20 actual minutes to myself every day where I don’t have to pretend I’m not slowly going insane.
Total buzz kill.
Random thought #2 –
Deciding to do an impromptu deep cleaning of the refrigerator is a really good way to remember that the last deep cleaning much longer ago than is socially acceptable.
Exhibit A:
The lesson we all need to take away here is that I should have ended the sentence with "preserved" because this screen shot just makes me look like an amateur.
Random Thought #3-
This coffee is fantastic. No, I’m not sharing.
Random thought #4-
Grounding an only child from television for the rest of the day because she decided to chew on a single piece of steak for 20 minutes — because I HAVE NO IDEA – instead of finishing her dinner so I could give her a Popsicle and turn on Nick Jr. so I could ignore her until bed time while doing some cleaning and writing something without feeling like a horrible mother is a really bad idea.
Note: The bad idea thing refers to the no T.V. thing. Keep up with me, class.
Random thought #5-
The same child who is driving me bat shit crazy today is the same child I love more than life itself. When she isn’t driving me bat shit crazy. I’m also pretty certain she’s a genius and no I am not bragging because it’s not fun to be out-logicalled (shut up. It’s called poetic license when a writer makes up a word) by a five-year-old in front of other people.
Exhibit B (a conversation):
Mom, calcium is good for us, right?
Yep.
Good for our bones and growing and being strong?
Uhuh.
I’d like some cookies to dip in a cup of calcium, Mom. Because that will be so yummy and healthy for me! Right, Mom?
Shit.
Clarification: That last part was in my head.
Probably.
So, this pill you take actually can think? It will try to work harder if you don’t take another one, and it will know when you are stressed and when to work harder? Damn, that is some amazing drug. I say take the other pill. Drugs are stupid. JMO
Valerie, if I skip doses here and there, it keeps my body from adjusting to the dosage I’m on that much longer. I’m already on a pretty high dose, so going higher isn’t really an option. And ask H.C. Palmquist. She’ll tell you it’s kind of obvious when I skip the happy pill.