Since Buttercup was a little tiny baby, she has despised goodbyes. Newborn shrieks would replace content gurgles the instant she got wind of diaper bags being packed up, hugs exchanged with whomever it was we were visiting, and car keys jangling.

Those newborn shrieks have since been replaced with tantrums, MAMA I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE I LIKE IT HERE’s and hours of pouting afterward just to prove her point. And that was when we visited my adult friends. Without kids, people. Heaven help me when it was an actual play date that was ending.

She’s five now. Adorable. Smart. Hilarious. She has strength and character and Mother of…

She’s going to break me with that attitude.

Her teacher told me the other day that Buttercup crossed her arms over her chest, dug her heels firmly into the ground, and flat out refused the green journal being handed to her for an activity in class. It seemed that Teacher Lady had assigned each child in class a random journal that was theirs to use for the entire school year. Only problem was that green has never been one of her favorite colors and apparently Buttercup was a bit miffed that her preferences had not been taken into consideration.

“I don’t like that color,” she said. And I know exactly how she said it.

I’m not working in that.” she said. And I can hear the bitch that will replace the brat when my little princess grows up just the tiniest bit more. Because, and trust me on this, it’s a milestone that you and your family will note. There might not be a Hallmark card to designated for the very moment you realize it is now socially acceptable to tell at at least one person outside of your head that your kid was a total bitch today and then get weepy because yesterday she had just been bratty. Something changed while she slept. She grew up a little bit. And now you aren’t sure if you are crying because you miss your baby are are dead-fucking terrified because it’s probably only moments before she realizes she has hormones and all hell officially breaks loose.

Which explains the instant sobs when the ultra-sound tech announced that the baby in the belly was a girl. So sweet and dress-able when they’re small. But then they grow up.

And it’s always too fast.

We had a play date recently with her BFF from preschool two years ago. In elementary school years, these two have known each other for decades.We managed to leave with only downcast eyes and whispers about being sad as we walked out to our car.

“I like it here. I’m sad I have to go.”

And I understood. Because I just learned that a play date of my own is ending.

An Army of Ermas riding off into the sunset on September 30. The site will remain live for fans to peek at when they need to go searching for a favorite laugh. But there will be no more reasons to try and swear less while while writing about something funny. And I’m going to miss that.

I want to pout. Maybe throwing a tantrum will make the fun last long enough for everyone to forget we were supposed to be leaving. Or I could change tactics and promise to play nicer and share more and not call people names anymore.

I kneel down to Buttercup’s level and give her a hug before we get into the car.

“I know, sweetie. I’m going to miss my friends, too. But we’ll see them again. And it will be soon. Right now, though, it’s time to leave.”

Thank you, Ermas. It was fun while it lasted. And to Boss Lady, Stacey Graham: Thank you doesn’t even begin to describe the gratitude I have in my heart for having had the opportunity to be a part of such an amazing group of writers.


With just having moved and a child just getting over being sick and the need to have her in bed early enough to get up at 5:45 a.m., I probably won’t make it tonight to see this. Finding Kind is something I want to see, and if I don’t see it tonight, I will see it as soon as I can.

The indie film focuses on the “meanness in the girl world” (because good Lord can we girl-folk be bitchy to one another, can’t we?) and I believe a must-see for any mother. Check it out. Come back and let me know what you thought about it. Do you think we can guide our daughters into a judgement-free experience in middle and high school? Or is the goal to expect the bullying, but arm our girls with the tools necessary to stay strong?


We moved into a new house today. It’s just a few miles from the old one and just as much work as it was to move the 2,500 from Michigan to Arizona a few years back. The difference is that this time The Husband is not waiting for us at the finish line. He’s here. Moving. Packing. Finding just as many forgotten bits of myself as I am.

I like to think I’m thorough. But when it comes to my chances at a successful career as a serial killer, chances are I’d probably be pretty horrible at not getting caught. Hence the vibrator he had found smack in the middle of the bed which he shoved in his shorts pocket because (and this is adorable) he figured our friends handing it to me as they helped to pack our room would be more embarrassing than his protecting my good name and then my writing about it.

There have been Snicker’s bar wrappers in the linen closet. Hershey wrappers stuffed into pockets of clothing I haven’t worn in months. He has come across a few. He’s pointed out some.

Proof that Pauline eats stuff she shouldn’t. Tssk. Tssk. You’re allergic.

He stresses the last word. I nod and mumble something about not even remembering when I ate the item in question. Sometimes I’m telling the truth. And then I pack another box full of ice-cream flavored elephants.



This is too awesome not to want to be a part of.


I’d cut my hair for this if I had any to cut.

Since I don’t, I’ll ask Tucson to step in and make a difference for a child in need.

I posted yesterday about the Disney on Ice Dare to Dream show coming to the TCC in October. Today I’m going to tell you about an incredible event that is so full of FEEL GOOD FEATURE that the former reporter in me is tripping over myself with excitement.

Feldman Entertainment is hosting the Hair Raising Event (playing off of the Rapunzel story, of course) at the Foothills Mall on Saturday, Sept. 22 to benefit Children with Hair Loss. If you are local and have 8-inches (or more) of hair to cut, you would be helping create free gifts of wigs to children who truly need them. The organization has provided many of the wigs they have helped create to the children at Diamond Children’s in Tucson.

Added incentive?  The first 25 people that register to donate their hair will receive a complimentary Rapunzel necklace when they arrive that Saturday (advance registration is preferred).  AND everyone that donates hair will receive 2 complimentary tickets to the show and will get to take part in a fun event on opening night. Alls I’m saying is ya get to meet Rapunzel and launch Chinese Lanterns outside of the TCC that evening!

I know. It’s going to be amazing.

Now for the cool part:

Do I have any volunteers to have their hair cut ON LIVE TV  prior to Sept. 22 to kick off the Hair Raising Event? If so, please be sure to contact me right away and I’ll get you in touch with the PR whiz behind this whole thing.

Oh, and you can thank BellaVita Salon for the complimentary hair cut you’ll get after donating your hair at the Foothills event. This isn’t just a snip off the ponytail and kick you out of the chair, people. This is a chance for you to make a real difference and walk away with a brand new look.

So, Tucson: Who’s up for making a child smile? Leave a comment. Spread the word. Let’s make some noise.




Photo credit: Feld Entertainment

Disney on Ice shows have been such a huge part of my childhood that when I got to take Buttercup for the first time I actually teared up. There she was, sitting on my lap, clapping and giggling and in love with the magic. And I got sappy. Like I was passing on some kind of torch or something.

We’ve gone to every show that has come to Tucson since moving here when she was just 18 months. And every time, I promise myself I am going to take her to every show from here until her 18th birthday and that I will drag her kicking and screaming to that last one, if need be. Because dammit, it’s all about the magic, people.

And the magic is coming back, y’all. She doesn’t know it yet, but my sweet girl and I will be heading out on opening night, courtesy of Feld Entertainment, to see Disney on Ice presents Dare to Dream on October 11 at the TCC (The show runs from the 11th through the 14th). And thanks to some really good marketing, a phenomenal charity event that made me wish I had hair long enough to cut (I’ll tell you about THAT tomorrow), and the fact that I actually remembered to check my email, SOMEBODY gets to win a family pack of four tickets to see the show, too.


*Nods head*

For Free.

Don’t worry if you don’t win because there’s a special discount code available for readers to get $4 off per ticket for the following shows.

  • Saturday 11:00 a.m.
  • Saturday 7:00 p.m.
  • Sunday 1:00 p.m.

The code is MOM12 to receive the discount and can be used at or by calling 1-800-745-3000.

I am supposed to legally tell you that all opinions are my own and the free tickets thing and more stuff about how I would never promote something I didn’t truly enjoy or believe in but I won’t bother. You’ve probably been here before. If you are new, this is the post where I don’t say bad words.

Now for the contest. I’m making this an easy one because I need to get back to that other job that doesn’t pay me. To enter:

* be 18 or older

* leave me a comment on this post by no later than midnight (Eastern Standard) on September 26.

* Done.

Just make sure you fill out the portion of the comment form with the email address. I’m the only one that can see it and I can’t contact you without it.

PS-come back tomorrow. You’ll kind of hate yourself if you don’t.


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