The Me That I Am

 10 Responses »
Apr 182012
 

I’m having a pretty shitty Writerly Ego day. Actually, it’s kind of been a shitty Writerly Ego month, to be perfectly honest. And when I’ve shared this little emotional nugget with the BFF and The Husband, I’ve received a raised eyebrow and a “YOU HAVE A FUCKING AGENT” in response to my pity party. I get where it’s coming from. I am in a position a lot of writers would kill for. I have a wonderful agent who thinks me and my writing are worth something and deserve a place on the shelves at Barnes & Noble next to writers I admire like Jenny Lawson ,  Jill Smokler,  Robin O’Bryant,  Anna Lefler and Heather Armstrong.

It seems, however, that the platform I am currently standing on may not big enough to get there. Or maybe it just feels like that because I’m a writer and us artistic types are moody and overly emotional and maybe I just need a vodka-flavored cookie. Because really? I’m pretty proud of my little platform. I bust my ass for free because writing is who I am and what I do and the writing part is actually more important than getting paid part…for my sanity, at least. The bills sitting on my desk waiting to be paid, however, would rather I stop trying to stay Not Crazy and just get a fucking job that probably wouldn’t leave me the time to write for the awesome sites I contribute to.

I love sharing the funny on An Army of Ermas and Funny Not Slutty. Getting a spot on best-selling author Lissa Rankin’s Owning Pink site is something I will forever be proud of. I’ve been published on Hippocampus Magazine and almost fell over when StoryBleed accepted the same piece for publication on their site. And then what I’ve got going on over here on this little ol’ blog o’ mine. I’m working on getting my name out there and my writing on more outlets, but these things take time. And Platforms don’t build themselves overnight.

I’m by no means in the same stratosphere as the likes of Dooce or The Bloggess or Scary Mommy and that’s okay with me. I’m not trying to be them. Just me. And hopefully the Me that I Am will one day be enough.

Maybe this sounds like a Poor Me post, but I don’t mean it to. Instead, I wanted to let other aspiring writers out there know that the days of doubting yourself don’t end the moment you sign that contract with your dream agent. And, I’m sure my published writer friends will tell me that they sure as hell don’t end when a book deal is offered or the day their books were released or even the day they got their first glowing review. Because once someone Other Than You believes in your work, it’s not just your ego riding on how many readers connect with that essay you got placed in that literary magazine that you love or how many hits per month your blog is getting or how much better you feel just for having taken the jumbled words out of your head and making some sense of them in a new piece you just started.

Every level of success reached is both a validation of our talents and a new reason to Freak the Fuck out, but it’s a lesson in the writing life that I seem to keep having to be reminded of. Three months ago I was still waiting for the Moment All of My Dreams Would Come True and then the world turned upside down when they did because I signed with my agent. That singular moment took two years to make a reality. And you would be right of you guessed that the Freaking Out commenced after the shiny newness of my situation sunk in. It’s not just me and my ego on the table anymore. It’s me and my ego and my agent’s time and effort and enthusiasm and Belief in What I Am and Have Yet to Become.

But if I think back, I probably went through the same little Self-Doubt Fest when I was accepted onto my college newspaper’s staff and when I saw my first byline and when I was assigned to cover my first murder case at the city newspaper that hired me right out of college. And then again when I left the newspapers to freelance and when I started this blog and when I woke up this morning and my little girl told me that I’m the best mother in the world.

So maybe shitty Writerly Ego days are just part of the process and part of what makes us who — and what — we are. It’s our literary equivalent of the trap women set for men when we ask if This Dress Makes Us Look Fat because we really only need to be reminded that in their eyes we are beautiful no matter what how that dress fits us. My platform is what it is. My ass? Probably looks horrible in that dress. But it’s okay.

Because tomorrow I’m still going to write something. And someone is going to read it.

I (really) Suck at Follow Through

 1 Response »
Mar 132012
 

So this one time I interviewed an author and did an interview and hosted a giveaway for a signed copy of her book and people entered and then I totally forgot to choose a winner and put a pretty bow on the whole package? And then another time I did the exact same thing?

Yeah…about that.

While I wait for word from Google about how long I have before I forget that I had laser eye surgery four years ago and push my imaginary glasses up the bridge of my nose again, I’ll bide my time by announcing that Heiddi Zalamar is the incredibly lucky winner of an unigned copy of Jane Devin’s powerful memoir, Elephant Girl.

Thank you all for entering and thank you, Jane, for allowing me the opportunity to share your words.

A Review: Jane Devin’s Elephant Girl

 5 Responses »
Feb 082012
 

I had no idea what I was getting into when I downloaded the ebook version of Elephant Girl. I only knew that I wanted to read the title I have seen repeatedly mentioned in my social media circles before I met up with its author, Jane Devin. I wanted to meet her before I actually met her and have more to offer to the conversation over lunch than “my four-year-old did the cutest thing yesterday.” So I bought and read her book.

I stopped a few times. I almost didn’t pick it back up. Elephant Girl is as beautifully told as it is painful to read. It’s the most perfect blend of raw honesty, unique voice, human spirit and is uttterly heart-breaking. Told in three distinct voices (the unloved and unwanted child, the independent and fragile teenager, and the adult trying to make sense of it all) Devin shares the inner life she invented that helped her live through the years of trauma she endured.

Therein lies her message: No matter the scars hidden within, it is possible to endure.

I simply want to to hug her and thank her for sharing her strength with the world.

I fancy myself a memoir writer. There are stories to share that need to be brought to the surface. But I’m not brave enough yet. But because of Jane, I am that much closer to being where I need to be and discovering my own inner strength.

Jane took a few moments out of her busy schedule to answer a few questions for fans of Elephant Girl. Her answers are thoughtful and, of course, thought-provoking.

 

 

Aspiring Mama: The writer in me wishes I could be as brave as you in my writing and the reader in me wants to thank you for Elephant Girl. It’s so beautifully told and yet so hard to read. Can you share what the writing process was like for you?

Jane Devin: I held off on writing Elephant Girl for more than a decade. It never seemed to be the right time; I wasn’t sure I had reached a place in life where there would be a satisfactory ending; and there was a time I really cringed at the things I knew some people would say. I was immobilized by these factors and the fear that getting naked by way of a memoir would leave me vulnerable to the kind of cold, raging, or shortsighted people I’d spent years trying not to attract. That may sound like a minor or egotistical thing — like a writer afraid of criticism — but that’s really not it at all. One of the consequences of growing up in a toxic environment for me was that I thought it was normal for a long time, even though my heart said otherwise, and I kept unconsciously drawing toxic people and situations into my life. I did this for way too many years and by the time I began to learn better and seek better I had some serious baggage I was carrying and a lot of spiritual scars that weren’t anywhere close to healed, as well as a new diagnosis of Aspergers, which was both stunning to me as well as a relief. I finally had some sort of answer as to why things went the way they did in my past, but I didn’t yet know what difference it might make for my future.

I couldn’t write this book until I was strong enough to withstand whatever consequences it might have, whether they were good, bad, or indifferent.
Actually sitting down and writing Elephant Girl was an odd, beautiful, painful, unexpected and urgent process. I wrote the book under some unusual circumstances — sitting in a borrowed truck every day in the Starbucks parking lot of a small town. I had just completed a yearlong road trip (FindingMyAmerica.com) and really had no resources. No job, no home or car of my own. At any other time in my life, I would have scrambled to correct those deficits quickly, but I knew that if I did, I would never write a book. My focus tends to be all or nothing (which is one consequence of Aspergers) and no matter how hard I’ve tried, I have a difficult time with splitting my focus when it comes to my passion for writing.
So I forced myself to finish, no matter what or who or where or how. I was fortunate to have supportive friends who helped me through the roughest times — people I will always feel indebted to and extremely grateful for — but it was still hard. I went hungry at times and went through weeks of pain with an abscessed jaw. Sitting in a truck for 8-12 hours a day wasn’t the kind of cozy, comfortable place I’d always imagined as the “room of my own.” I think those hardships, though, lent themselves to the tone of the book and also gave me a sense of urgency. The first draft, 603 pages, was written in eight months.

 

Aspiring Mama: I am in awe of the level of honesty you were able to achieve in Elephant Girl. How did you overcome the barrier so many of us are afraid to cross in order to connect with your audience?

Jane Devin: My writing itself has always been a refuge to me — a place to be honest without fear — but I only shared the really raw parts with others sparingly before putting it all out there with Elephant Girl. I think being able to do that came on the heels of understanding how much of a choice I had when it came to allowing toxicity into my life. It may sound exceptionally naive, but I was in my 30s before I even started to grasp the elemental Dr. Suess lesson of “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind”.  It took another ten years or so to truly believe it and to confidently take the risk of rejection both by strangers and people I loved.

***

 

Jane has graciously offered an unsigned copy of Elephant Girl with one Aspiring Mama reader. To enter, simply do one of the following (or more for extra entries!)* Leave a comment for Jane on this blog post.

* Tweet, Facebook, Google +, or include a link to this post on your own blog. Each counts for it’s own entry, so be sure to leave me one comment letting me know what you did so I can add up points!

* Comments will be accepted through midnight, EST, on February 15.

* One winner will be selected via Random.org and will be announced here on Aspiring Mama shortly thereafter.

***

Thank you, Jane, for sharing your strength with the world.

 

 

Don’t forget to follow Jane Devin on Twitter here and be sure to read her blog at www.janedevin.com.

 

Happy Chaos and Punky Power

 9 Responses »
Jan 092012
 

I grew up with jelly bracelets, bright neons, Rainbow Brite, My Little Pony, and everybody’s favorite 80′s kid, Punky Brewster. Surprisingly, I’ve never had the chance to name a dog Brandon. I’ll have to remedy that.

For now, I’ll just focus on the fact that my childhood hero has grown up with me into a a powerhouse of a mom with two adorable little girls, her popular Moonfrye.com site, over a million twitter followers, an eco-friendly clothing line called The Little Seed, and her role as Target’s Mommy Ambassador. Now, I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not one to run out and buy the latest celebrity memoir, but when I was offered the chance to read and review Soleil’s new parenting book, Happy Chaos: From Punky to Parenting and my Perfectly Imperfect Adventures In Between, I decided my childhood dream of becoming Punky’s best friend was just a blog post away from coming true. I’ll keep you posted on how that works out, y’all.

Happy Chaos shares stories from Soleil’s childhood (she once had Johnny Depp show up as a surprise guest to a birthday party), precious moments with her children, and perhaps most importantly,  brings us non-celebrity moms right there with Soleil when she shares how she’s learning to accept that the mom she thought she was going to be is not the mom she became once her children were born. The beauty of it all is in the journey of discovery with our children.

And while not every mom can relate to a roster of celebrity BFFs or boast about directing her first film at the age of 18, reading Happy Chaos reads more like a chat over a cup of coffee with a girlfriend than anything else. Part memoir and part parenting manual, Happy Chaos reminds us to embrace the crazy that motherhood brings while taking a moment to celebrate the magic of cutting an apple sideways just to show our children the star inside.

 

***

Soleil has graciously offered a signed copy of Happy Chaos: From Punky to Parenting and My Perfectly Imperfect Adventures in Between with one Aspiring Mama reader. To enter, simply do one of the following (or more for extra entries!)

* Leave a comment for Soleil on this blog post.

* Tweet, Facebook, Google +, or include a link to this post on your own blog. Each counts for it’s own entry, so be sure to leave me one comment letting me know what you did so I can add up points!

* Comments will be accepted through midnight, EST, on Monday, January 16.

* One winner will be selected via Random.org and will be announced here on Aspiring Mama shortly thereafter.

***

I’d like to thank Soleil Moon Frye for offering me the chance to share her book with all of you.

 

The Source of All Things

 No Responses »
Jun 082011
 

I had never heard of Tracy Ross before coming across a short review of her new memoir, The Source of All Things, in a recent issue of Whole Living magazine. But the review intrigued me and I made sure the book was one of my purchases with the last gift card I had to spend from the holidays.

Ross tells a disturbing tale of sexual abuse at the hands of her step-father and the resulting self-destructive aftermath. Through it all, it was nature that helped Ross to heal and find the answers to the questions she was ready to discover. It’s not an easy book to read, but it’s a beautiful testament to the strength of Ross’s character.

What was also  interesting to me was what I took away from reading Ross’s book. As a writer and a reader, I closed the cover on my nook with the realizations that:

*Ross’s love for writing came after her love for nature and immersing herself within the elements on her many outdoor adventures all over the world. It might sound simplistic, but there’s writing without focus because you know you love to write and then there’s focusing on writing what you know. One will bring you great personal joy. The other will, too. The difference is that the audience won’t give a damn about the first.

*I am not as brave as Tracy Ross. I primarily write non-fiction but focus on the funny and hide the rest of the bits in layers of snark and chuckles. It’s part coping mechanism dealing with the crap I don’t feel like focusing on and mostly just the way my writing voice naturally manifests itself. But to go into the detail that she did, Ross had to expose herself and those in her story in a very real way. No pretty filters to alter reality’s image. Her ability to do so (and her family’s willingness to allow her the much-needed opportunity to tell her truth) is something to be admired.

*a great memoir will surprise you at the end. Even if you think you know the whole story. A great memoir takes you on the same journey the author has traveled. A great memoir is hard to put down.

*that the often-touted advice to get your work in print to bolster that all important platform is often-touted for a reason. The Source of All Things first materialized as a feature length article in Backpacker Magazine in 2007. I read the original essay and it left me wanting more. The rest, as they say, is history.

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