8:32 a.m.: “Mama, it’s daytime.”
8:33 a.m.: Dammit.
8:34 a.m.: “Mama, we need to get out of bed. The sun is awake.”
8:35 a.m.: Dammit.
We get out of bed and in between choosing an outfit for school and nuking the leftover pancake from yesterday’s breakfast, I can’t shake the nagging feeling that I should have just stayed in bed. I’m reminded why when I talk to my mother, mother-in-law, and husband about Insert Random Family Drama Here puppies.
Again.
Somehow, the hours between 8:30 a.m. and 11:25 a.m., which, coincidentally, is the time I am supposed to have Buttercup physically present in her preschool class, fly by. It could have something to do with the fact that I’ve been on leaving messages for someone with a medical degree at my fertility clinic to call me back about the whole cycle-15-days-early-and-what-the-hell-do-i-do-now and alternately bitching cooing about over Insert Random Family Drama Here puppies. The school is a three-minute drive from my driveway.
There’s a mad dash for the door with much flourish and internal swearing. Backpack, lunch box, my purse, Buttercup, got everything, lock the door, close the door, realize I left my keys on the buffet table. Inside the house. The Husband is sleeping because he works midnights. I’m pretty sure the dogs are snickering at me through the window while I hit the doorbell and try calling The Husband on his cell phone while Buttercup asks why I didn’t bring the keys with me when I suddenly have a brain storm.
The Husband rigged up a button on the inside of the Yukon for me to press and the garage door opens. Inside the garage is The Only Unlocked Door In The House.
Today.
But the car keys are on the buffet table. Inside the house.
I try the car door anyway, mostly out of desperation. It opens. The Husband might choose to Not Believe and yell at me for leaving the fucking thing unlocked again. I, however, choose to Believe that I magically wished the door open.
We show up five minutes late. Buttercup suggests I do the Mountain Pose to calm down as I leave her with her teacher.
11:30 a.m.: I try calling the clinic again. I have an appointment in two weeks to get me some more Clomid to try and get my ovaries in baby mode and um, well, there’s this time sensitivity factor here, ya know? Yeah…about that…
Nothing.
12:30 p.m.: There’s a needle in my arm drawing blood at a lab 40 minutes from my home to get more baby-making levels checked. While the needle sucks me dry, I try to figure out how to best use the two hours I have left, which happens to include the 40 minutes I still need to get to the preschool on time so I don’t have to pay $3 for every minute late after pick-up time.
On the List of Things to Do is grocery shop at the Sunflower, (which is Smack in the Middle of Where I am Now and Where I will Be When I Pick Up Buttercup) because The Husband wants homemade, gluten-free fish sticks. Because I’m hypoglycemic and about to jump the old woman in the lobby for her dried prunes, I choose to drive to the nearest restaurant selling grape leaves.
2:00 p.m.: I am cursing Arizona’s crackpot policy which gives drivers a 30-year window before licenses have to be renewed. No, I’m not kidding. My own license is good until I’m 62. Which means? The 70-something man in front of me on the one-lane road which happens to be The Only Way to Get Where I Need To Be On Time doesn’t have to have his driving skills examined until his great-grandchildren are getting their learner’s permits. It also means I am driving 15-miles Under The Speed Limit.
2:22 p.m.: Phone in hand, I call information for the main office number and plead for mercy. It’s granted. I arrive 10 minutes late and have used up my one free pass.
2:35 p.m.: Buttercup and I are now driving back to the grocery store. She wants to know if I’ve done Mountain Pose yet.
3:10 p.m.: Buttercup decides to “birth” the stuffed kitten she has been “carrying in her belly” since I got her out of her car seat. She announces the new arrival to every shopper that will listen by loudly stating her baby “has finally Been Borned.” The momentous event occurred in the snack aisle.
3:58 p.m.: I contemplate the financial perks of getting a Sugar Daddy solely for the purposes of funding our Gluten-Free/Organic food habit as the clerk is ringing me up. Seriously, people, life was so much cheaper when I didn’t give a shit what we were eating.
3:59 p.m.: I look at the receipt as I wheel our cart out to the car. I’m pretty sure the Husband would totally be up on me cheating on him for the sake of our budget.
5:00 p.m.: Home. dogs fed. Buttercup fed. Groceries unloaded.
5:02 p.m.: Buttercup wants to know if I’ve done Mountain Pose yet.
5:03 p.m.: I am standing in my kitchen, Buttercup facing me, breathing in and out, in and out, as Buttercup leads me from Mountain intro Tree and from Tree into the Volcano pose she learned in her kiddie yoga DVD.
“When you are upset, you just do this, Mama, until you are calm again.” She looks up at me. “Is it working?”
“Yes.”
“Yeah,” she says doubtfully as she gauges my expression. “We need to do this for a few more minutes.”
My kid just called me a liar.
Fair enough.
So I climb back onto my mountain.
