Something strange happened when I finished writing Baby F(Ph)at.

In short, I looked up and realized I suck as a housewife when I’m knee-deep in a manuscript. After a year of getting by with frantic “just throw the extra shit in the closet!” sessions reserved for guests and making sure we had enough clean laundry so no one was wearing anything nasty, I finally saw the house through the eyes of my alter-ego, (Mexican) June Cleaver. And aye…Ward has reasons to question if he’s man enough to stick around when I get to writing that next book.

While it’s true that I finished the book before I left for BlogHer, it’s also true that I was away from home until last week. And after a few days of doing the blissful nothing I demand after 20 days of non-stop family, I blinked…and then it all came into focus.

The dust covered blinds (I wrote my name one one…kinda cool, actually.)

The junk drawer so full of random crap that it wasn’t even closing anymore.

The closet. Which we couldn’t fit the vacuum into. And that’s a problem.

The dust bunnies under the couch (which are now getting their own mail forwarded to my address.)

The linen closets (not just for linen anymore! Holy shit! That’s where that other thing I don’t need went to…)

Needless to say…I have my work cut out for me.  That’s why I started a to-do list with one or two projects to be tackled daily. Like the dusting and the evicting of the dust bunnies. Or the junk drawer and the closet. Or telling The Husband to bite me and to shove it when he tells me I suck as a housewife when I’m writing a book. Or maybe just telling him to fuck off and then laughing because I can’t keep a straight face because he is so totally right.

It’s been about a week since I started my reverse nesting. That’s what I like to call this phase. Moms-to-be nest when a baby is on the way. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. Moms who are writers nest after they (I) finish a book and figure out they (I) better haul ass on Operation Clean House before the next project is officially started. (While they (I) are (am) querying.)  Because that’s such a relaxing combination.

And when I type Chapter 1? Again?

It’s house, hell, and hand basket…all over again.

Bring it.

Until then, I’m gonna whistle while I work and rock this happy homemaker thing.

I’ve been staring at my computer monitor for an hour now, but I can’t say I’ve gotten anything productive done. The Husband went to bed at 5:30 p.m. (pesky midnight schedule has him on a totally different planet than the rest of us in the house) and Buttercup passed out on our hour-long walk this evening.

Little girl was tired, toIMG00382-20100223-1951o. I got her out of the stroller, out of her jacket, and upstairs to bed without her waking up.

Long story short? I was free to do whatever I wanted by 8:30 p.m.

Short story long? It’s 10:11 and I finally stopped drooling over purses on Piperlime, ended my gchat with Juliette because she has to go to bed, and decided I better get blogging so I can force myself to write chapter 16 tonight. The goal is strictly quantity. Quality can kiss my ass until I’ve gotten beyond the blinking cursor on a blank page.

Anyhoo, it occurred to me that my problem is that I am nowhere near used to the concept of Time to Myself. Normally my writing time is sandwiched in between getting Buttercup in bed (which is a production and takes for-effing-ever) and The Husband out of bed at 9 p.m. so he can be out the door for work at 11 p.m. And after cleaning up the kitchen from making his dinner and meal for his lunch cooler, I can finally sit my ass down about midnight to work on that Getting Famous thing.

But Buttercup was a breeze tonight. And The Husband is off tonight, so he’s sleeping in till midnight. And because he thinks I need more sleep, he’s going to kick me off the computer at about 12:30 so I can maybe get eight hours in for once.

He actually told me last night that I need to figure out how to handle things a bit better so I can get my writing done earlier so I  can sleep more. I understand that he meant this in a way that expressed his concern for me burning myself out by staying up until 3 a.m. and then waking up with Buttercup at 8:30, but I just looked at him and blinked.

Because really, there was absolutely no response to that. Except for maybe, “Oh? We hired a maid, housekeeper, and a nanny? Or are you sniffing glue again?”

I’m knee-deep in netbook accessorizing hell (because really…it *is* an accessory). See, I specifically chose a black hp Mini because it went so well with the Chloe Dau clutch netbook sleeve I’ve been eyeing. But because my mind didn’t grasp the concept of a 6 cell battery working wonders for cutting my ties to the nearest wall but sucking it up when trying to fit said netbook into said clutch sleeve, well, I’m back to square one.

I’ve settled in a pretty and practical Golla sleeve (to keep my new baby safe from my other baby) after driving everyone I know bonkers. And because that damned 6 cell is in my way, the plan for fitting the mini in my pretty Fossil purse I got for my birthday is totally out the door.

So really, people, you can see how I’m being forced to shop, yes?

***

@aspiringmama: I *need* a lucky brand messenger tote to carry my new netbook for my writing conference. NEED, dammit! Why can’t men understand this!?

@ing3nu: perhaps if you hit him in the head with the net book it would all become clear ? ;)

@aspiringmama: hmmmm….interesting tactic.

@ing3nu: It rolls under that whole “show don’t tell” writers’ meme :D

***

Sage advice, my friend. Very sage advice, indeed.

flower

I was 21 the first time The Husband sent me flowers.

To be exact, he was The Boyfriend back then, and I was living at home with The Parents. And, as any Mexican-American child of immigrants knows, our dating adventures were limited to two dates a week and a curfew severe enough to make a non-ethnic American teen point and laugh.

It was that bad.

It wasn’t that my Dad didn’t like The Boyfriend. In fact, he was thrilled with him. As a master mechanic with the know-how to talk cars while looking hotter than hell while covered in grease (my opinion, not my dad’s), The Boyfriend was an automatic win with my father, which quite honestly, pissed me off at the beginning.

The Boyfriend was supposed to be my Bad Boy. He was almost five years older than me. Never went to college. Drove a beat-up truck that sat so high I needed a stool to get in and ran so loudly that everyone on my block knew when I was getting picked up for a date. But my master plan went to hell when my Dad proclaimed him “ok.”

Damn.

One non-descript afternoon in the middle of spring, the doorbell rang at home. My mom answered to see a delivery guy holding a pretty flower arrangement set in a mini red wagon with a teddy bear. (I was a teddy bear collecting freak until Buttercup came along and claimed them all.) My mother automatically handed the arrangement to me without bothering to check the card. We all knew Dad wasn’t the flower-sending type.

It was from The Boyfriend. I melted. My mother gushed to her friends about how I got flowers and bitched to my father about how she didn’t. But even that only made my dad chuckle. He never said it, but flowers on my doorstep made one hell of an impression with him.

I’m 32 now. We’ve been married for eight years in September. And unless you count the random houseplants we’ve purchased when out and about at Lowes and Home Depot, I haven’t seen flowers with my name on them since I moved out of my parents house.

I called The Husband on it once after a friend got flowers delivered to work for her birthday at the job I once claimed. “Those flowers weren’t for me, were they?” I was referring to the teddy bear days.

He raised an eyebrow, a smile beginning to form. “What are you talking about?”

“Come on, admit it,” I said playfully. “Those were solely to impress my parents. They just happened to have my name on the card so you wouldn’t get accused of kissing ass.”

The Husband laughed out loud. Then he kissed me. “Ok, you got me. Yes, they were for your parents. And it worked.”

Yeah it did. And you know what also works? Sitting down with Buttercup to play with her Mega Blocks this morning after he got home from work, whispering and laughing together, he finally handed her something to bring to Mama.

It was a flower. It was sweet. It was cute.

And it was just for me.

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