Interview with a CHICKtionary

 7 Responses »
Feb 012012
 

Anna Lefler

n: Lefler, Anna: 1. Award-winning writer with nationally syndicated essays whose work has appeared online at Salon.com, McSweeny’s, The Big Jewel, and Funny Not Slutty. 2. Wife (see also: domestic partner and Queen of Your Heart) 3. Comedian (see also: Hilarious and Can I Be Your Biffle?) 4. Mother (see also: Superwoman) 5. Social Media Maven who is waiting to be cyber-stalked on her popular humor blog Life Just Keeps Getting Weirder and www.AnnaLefler.com and on twitter (@AnnaLefler). 6) Author of The CHICKtionary: From A-line to Z-snap, the Words Every Woman Should Know (see also: LOL funny, My New Bible, and Can You Be on my Team When We Play Dirty Minds?)

She’s fun, funny, and it seems, funnier with every page. Trust me on this. Grab yourself a copy of The CHICKTionary, flip to a random page, and laugh out loud while you wish you had though to say what she just said first. And then do it again. And again. Really…it doesn’t get old.

Sidebar: Let me interject on my own little gush-fest with my not so small print: While Anna was kind enough to offer me the opportunity to review her book on my blog, sent me a copy that I did not pay for, and has been kind enough not to issue a restraining order on me (see also: yet and cyber stalker), I like to stick to the Rule of Thumper, which pretty much dictates I pretend I never received the book and that all of Anna’s emails went to spam when she asks why I haven’t reviewed her book yet if I couldn’t think of anything nice to say. But as I’m sure you can now guess, I actually thought of plenty….and then I realized Anna is much funnier than I am and decided to let her tell you just how she manages to be so much cooler than us and still make us love her at the same time.

Told you she was talented.

Aspiring Mama: Name. Rank. And serial number. Go!

Anna Lefler: Hmmm, I’m not sure about rank and serial number…but the name is Anna. Lefler, that is. (It helps to imagine the “Beverly Hillbillies” theme behind this. “Beverly. Hills, that is.”)

AM: I see from your Chicktionary bio that you also go by MOOOOOOOM and Mrs.

Please tell Aspiring Mama readers a bit about what makes the Lefler clan click. Or, more specifically, do they take for granted how funny you actually are?

AL: I think we are pretty weird for a “normal” family, and I like it that way. I am fortunate in that my husband, daughter and son really get my humor and they are very supportive of my creative dreams. This is a gift for which I am grateful every day. They also think I’m a few doughnuts shy of a box, and they may be on to something with that. Now that the children are a little older – in middle school – the three of us can present a united front against my husband, who is by far the most grown-up person in the house. One of our favorite family activities is to embarrass him in public by, say, doing a spontaneous clog-dance in the lobby of IHOP. He’s disavowed his connection to us on many occasions, but he’s going to have to try harder than that if he wants out of this little cult.

AM: So we share the same philosophy on family. *Fist Pumps* Tell me, do these creative dreams include taking this little clog dancing act on the road? Or do you have other fun and interesting ways to not have any free time?

AL: Oh, you know me – I’ve always got something cooking. (I’m not referring to actual food, of course. I never have real food cooking. My family will back me up on this.) I’m polishing up a novel right now and I’m very excited about that. I’ve also got a couple of creative ideas that fall outside the writing world, but they’re still in the planning stages. When I need some occupational therapy (or to ruminate on something), I make jewelry. Necklaces with semiprecious stones, mostly. I love working with my hands – it’s good for my noggin.

AM: A novel in progress, a stand-up comedy career, and jewelry making. I think you just gave me a complex. Wait. No. That already happened while reading The CHICKtionary. What moment of genius spawned a book written in dictionary form for women ?

AL: I wish I could take credit for the idea! The notion of a funny women’s dictionary came from the publisher, Adams Media. They saw some humorous pieces of mine on various websites and thought my voice would be a good match for the project, so they contacted me through my blog. Which is why, by the way, I tell people always to check their spam filter! You never know what you might find in there among the Viagra ads.

Anna has graciously offered a signed copy of The CHICKtionary: From A-Line to Z-snap, The Words Every Woman Should Know with one Aspiring Mama reader. To enter, simply do one of the following (or more for extra entries!)

* Leave a comment for Anna on this blog post.

* Tweet, Facebook, Google +, or include a link to this post on your own blog. Each counts for it’s own entry, so be sure to leave me one comment letting me know what you did so I can add up points!

* Comments will be accepted through midnight, EST, on Monday, February 8.

* One winner will be selected via Random.org and will be announced here on Aspiring Mama shortly thereafter.

***

I’d like to thank Anna Lefler for offering me the chance to share her book with all of you. And the not minding the fan-girl squee thing I’ve got going on right now. Yeah…especially that.

Inside the Mama Insider

 1 Response »
Jan 162012
 

I’m feeling pretty popular by association these days. I’ve got friends getting agents, signing book deals, and coming out with so many books these days that I’m thinking I need to rub them all on the head to see if I can send some of their luck (which really means hard work, y’all) my way.

 

For now, I’m happy to cheer as loudly as I can from the stands when writer-friends do awesome things like self-publish an e-book called Mama Insider: Laughing (And Sometimes Crying) All the Way Through Pregnancy, Birth, and the First 3 Months.

 

INSERT DISCLAIMER HERE: While I call the Abigail Green a friend, AND got to read the ebook without paying for it, I wouldn’t be telling you it was awesome if it actually sucked. Because it doesn’t. And it doesn’t because Abby is one hell of a writer.

Mama Insider is short (50 pages) with short chapters (I think she wrote it with my four-year-old as the test subject for how long her attention span would allow me to read something that doesn’t rhyme) perfect for reading on a mobile device while waiting at the pediatrician for another well-baby check or while hiding in the bathroom while the significant other takes care of the little one(s) for five minutes. As indicated by the title, Abby gives it to new moms straight about what pregnancy and the first three months are actually like. As a formerly new mom myself, I can attest to laughing (a lot) and crying (also a lot) until about three days ago, so I’m thinking Abby deserves a high five on transparency alone.

The fact that Mama Insider is also a very informative read (because there really isn’t a need to cry over the size of your unborn baby’s nose, people…there really isn’t) and gives new mama’s to be a chance to skip some of the honey-covered truths presented in a lot of books for the realities of, you know, real life motherhood (‘cuz doulas sometimes do go on vacation when you are 10 days overdue), makes me love it even more. Because who else besides my girl Abby is going really tell you what “Me Time” looks like after you have the kid? (Hint: That may include a babysitter and you getting a cleaning at the dentist.)

While those who may have closed the baby-factory may find themselves outside of the intended target audience for Mama Insider, it’s definitely on the must read list for those just getting started.

 

***

Abby is graciously offering one Aspiring Mama reader the chance to win a copy of Mama Insider (either for themselves or to gift to a new mom in their lives). To enter, simply do one (or more if you want extra entries) of the following:

* Leave a comment for Abby on this blog post.

* Tweet, Facebook, Google +, or include a link to this post on your own blog. Each counts for it’s own entry, so be sure to leave me one comment letting me know what you did so I can add up points!

* Comments will be accepted through midnight, EST, on Monday, January 23.

* One winner will be selected via Random.org and will be announced here on Aspiring Mama shortly thereafter.

***

And a big thank you to Abby for allowing me to share Mama Insider with Aspiring Mama readers.

 

On Choosing Water

 2 Responses »
Jan 062012
 

The difference between blood and water

lies not in the consistency, but in the

glorious truth that water comes with

a choice.

Blood binds me, ties me to

nothing

and to

everything.

But it binds me, nonetheless.

Blood comes with baggage, with history,

with future, and with family arguments,

most of which are held in my head.

Blood comes with love and with pain and with

laughter

and

tears

and strangers who once were more

until they decided that sometimes

blood just isn’t thick enough.

Blood comes with a heavy responsibility

to remain loyal to what was in order

to maintain appearances because

it’s just easier to lie to ourselves

with strained smiles for our public

and save the bitching for when

the appropriate backs

are turned.

Blood comes with a silence so loud

that we must laugh louder

to drown out the sound of

words left unspoken.

So I choose water when blood remains

the only tie.

Because sometimes, blood just isn’t

thick enough.

***

I originally posted this poem in January of 2010 and came across it in my archives while on the hunt to find words worthy of a repost. Maybe I’ll be funny next week. For now, this is the inside of my head before the Prozac kicks in.

The Vicinity of Wonderful

 2 Responses »
Dec 302011
 

This is it. My last post before 2011 fades away and 2012 becomes the year that we all joke about the end of the world. I had planned for something Deep and Meaningful. But that was before I remembered that the in-laws were going to be here from Michigan and that would mean day-long outings and running out of room in the refrigerator for yet another set of restaurant leftovers and a frantic search through my non-existent draft folder in the hopes of finding something Wonderful that I might have been saving.

I looked. I found plenty of Somethings. But none of them were anywhere near the vicinity of Wonderful. Some were kind of Meh and a few gems were complete Disasters. More like an exercise in free-writing while high on expired Nyquil than something I’d like to share with the world.

So that leaves me to come up with Something New. And I’m hoping it’s Deep and Meaningful.

I’m supposed to talk about those as-of-yet unbroken promises I haven’t quite narrowed down to committing to for the immediate future. And buy some new running shoes so I can get to that new gym with the brand new membership I’m supposed to rush out to buy so I can fight for an elliptical machine until most have decided to wait until next January to try again, right? Or am I supposed to look back on 2011 and the stories shared, memories made, and goals achieved?

I could do that, except maybe I won’t. Not because I’d rather avoid the imminent panic attack next December when I finally fall asleep wondering if the world will still be there for me to wake up to or if social media will be alive and well and pointing fingers at the Mayans for being total drama queens. And that’s because this (read: the me having a Conspiracy Theory-worthy panic attack) will probably happen. I’m just wired that way.

I won’t wax poetic about the end of the old and the start of the new simply because, for me, I feel caught in limbo. Between what and what, I have no idea. I just know that this feels like my last post of 2011 no more than the first one did and that this was the first year that my birthday was really just another day and maybe 34 is the year that the passing of time becomes nothing more than a measure of how fast my child is growing and not a direct reflection of myself or that last grey hair I pulled out.

If I didn’t have a checkbook with what will probably be a month’s worth of ruined checks during the 2012 honeymoon period while I retrain my brain to write the new year, I’d probably forget that anything has changed.

Buttercup and I were out shopping the other day when a store employee asked Buttercup how her Christmas had been. After the expected excitement and squeals and Santa Brought Me’s, the employee smiled and asked Buttercup what she was doing to bring in the new year. Buttercup wrinkled her nose and blinked.

New Year? The look on her face told us both that she had no concept of what was being asked of her. She simple stood there for a moment while she tried to figure out for herself what this New Year was and how exactly one was supposed to Bring It In.

Finally, she smiled and her eyes brightened.

“But it’s not June yet,” she said, “and that’s when my new year starts. I’ll be five then. I’ll probably have a birthday party with my friends. Right, Mama?” And  I told her that yes, she very probably would.

Meet the Ermas: Round 1

 5 Responses »
Dec 282011
 

I love to laugh. Almost as much as I love to make other people laugh (clarification: on PURPOSE, yo.)

So when I was asked to officially hop on the An Army of Ermas bandwagon by the incredibly awesome Stacey I. Graham, I naturally said (and I quote), “Hell Yes!” The beauty of the Ermas site is the multitude of talent you’ll find and the humor* (and ability to relate to the real life moments) in the stories shared by each and every writer for the site.

Being a writer myself, I always like to get to know the person behind the words on the screen, and I’m hoping you will, too. There’s a lot of Ermas and I’d like for you to get to know each one. Today I’m featuring an interview with Adam Slade. I promise I only featured him first because of the sexy English accent I’m imagining.

PMC- Vanilla or chocolate? I know you expected me to start with age, rank, and serial number, but we need to set the tone for this interview first. Vanilla is safe and boring. Chocolate is funny and a bit adventurous. Or was it the other way around?

Adam-Vanilla, but in a funny and adventurous way. Ha! I’m complex!(With real vanilla pods. Mmm…)

PMC: Sneaky bastard. Okay then. Do you chew your ice cream?

Adam: Yes. Unless it contains nothing chewy. In which case, yes.

PMC: Good. I don’t trust people who don’t chew ice cream. Now that we’re past the pleasantries, I want name, rank, and serial number. Who are you, exactly. And why should I think you’re funny?

AS: Adam Slade, Chief Accountant in Charge of Sheep-Dip, #42, MA’AM.

I’m an English author of fantasy and humour (with a U), and have a few books under my belt that you should definitely buy. I’ll even throw in a belt to carry them with (I won’t). I currently live in Canada with my wife and cat. Both are lovely, though one occasionally bites me.
You should think I’m funny because I try really hard at it. (Don’t believe those who say it should come naturally – notice how they’re never funny people.)
PMC: I see. Where can one buy your books? And I want that belt.

AS: One (and you, yes you) can buy my books on pretty much every internet ebook seller there is. To cut down on finger strain, though, I’ll just link that Amazonian one.

Belts come only with large purchases. Large enough that I can afford to buy a belt from the royalties.
I also write erotic romance under another name, but that’s a secret, so you’ll just have to buy lots and lots of it in the hope that you get one of mine.

PMC: I was waiting for you to tell me erotic was spelled with a “u”. So, Mr. English. Tell me about this Erma gig you’ve got going on. Did you bribe Stacey with brownies to get in, too?

AS: Nope. Unless you have a past you’re not telling me about, there’s no “u” in erotica. If I plied Stacey with my brownies, she’d have me arrested for attempted poisoning. After she beat me up, of course. Everyone knows editors have serious guns from all that crossing-out.

Last Christmas Our Glorious Leader put up a competition, asking people to submit their funniest Chrimbo-themed articles. The winner would get both praise and their article posted on the site. Since I’d wussed out of the previous call for writers, I manned up just enough to write something for the contest, and Stacey decided it was worth posting. Just after that, she offered me a spot on the Ermas roster and I said ‘booya’, followed by ‘yes’.
I tend to post about once every 2 months, as spots are limited, and sometimes I’m too late/lazy to grab one. I try and keep the articles silly.

PMC: No bribing? Obviously, there is some favoritism present. *lesigh* I was gonna say there is no “I” in erotic but that just backfired on me. So back to you. Where can one find you on the interwebz?

AS: What can I say? It’s my English charm. Or the begging. Probably the begging, come to think of it.

I’m speedy with my innuendos. It’s a gift. Or a curse. A girse? That sounds like a cross between a giraffe and a horse. Cuft, then?
You can find me in many many places, as I use the internet far too much. My main blog has links to everything else. I’d love for some new followers to go with my ol–, uh, less new ones. They’re a lovely bunch. Most can move about without walkers, too.
PMC: Do you ever tweet? Cuz I’m on, like, all the time. And I never see you! Talk more. That might reel in the non-walker crowd.

Just my two cents.

Okey dokey then. Oh wait! You said English charm! Do you have an English accent to go with it? Will you read my my grocery list?

AS: I do tweet, but nowhere near as frequently as I used to. It’s a failing of mine.

Yes, I have an English accent, and yes, I can read your shopping list. Lemme see…
Mexifro comb, oil for elliptical trainer, three extra large packets of sarcasm…

PMC: You’re lucky I like you….

***

*I thought about adding the “U” out of respect for my English guest. Then I decided I like the way the word looks better when spelled properly.

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