It was just me and Buttercup. No school, so I called a friend and asked if her kids and my kid could play unsupervised in her fenced backyard so I could lounge on her couch with a glass of wine and have my own little play date.
She said yes.
So I packed.
That’s right. I said P-A-C-K-E-D.
First I needed to get rid of the Lean Pockets my mom left in our deep freezer from her 8 week stay. That went into one cooler. And because Buttercup and I are on a gluten-free diet and Friend Jill was making pancakes for dinner that night, I also packed:
*corn tortillas with slices of cheese for quesadillas for Buttercup
*a fruit cup
*leftover bison steak and veggies for me
*a Lara bar in case I couldn’t gag down the reheated bison steak (which is what ended up happening.)
*three juice boxes for the kids to feel like they were getting something special when Friend Jill and I cracked open another bottle of wine.
*two oranges for me because I have been craving some major vitamin C.
And then I moved on to the diaper bag. Which really doesn’t carry diapers anymore because Buttercup is kinda sorta potty trained. In it? I packed:
*four training pull-ups
*a spare set of clothes in case Buttercup got a pull-up wedgie going down the slide while simultaneously peeing and needed a change of clothing. (Yes, it’s happened before.)
*a pair of pajamas for insurance because every time I go to Friend Jill’s house, which is only 25 minutes away, I end up staying until the kid’s need to go to bed.
*a water bottle for Buttercup.
*a water bottle for me.
*a snack cup with gluten-free pretzels to tide her over till dinner
*My iPod Touch and my Droid X (because I am nothing if not addicted)
*Buttercup’s Snow White and Cinderella dolls because they are The Dolly Flavor of the Week.
*Buttercup’s purse (of course) in which, I think, she packed rocks and her play cell phone. Who am I to judge?
*My (her) Nintendo DSi which allows me to drive with my nerves intact and my guilt assuaged while I focus on the road and Cookie Monster teaches her to count.
And because that wasn’t enough? I also took:
*Which we won’t get into because there isn’t enough space on the internet for me to share.
When I left my house, The Husband didn’t even raise an eyebrow because he knows better. I am nothing if not Over-Prepared and Un-Medicated. When I showed at up Friend Jill’s house, she asked if I was moving in.
I’m prepared for anything. Always. Why? Because that guy on the street corner with the dirty trench coat and the ARMAGEDDON sign might be on to something. And? Me and What If don’t get along very well. So? I pack a diaper bag like a crazy lady.
You should see what I take with us to Barnes & Noble.
But don’t worry, peeples. Even if (if I said IF so don’t even ask) I end up with another kid between now and the next episode of Jesse Ventura’s Conspiracy Theory, I have plenty of room in my Go Bag for the essentials. Like Humanitarian Suspenders.
And lip gloss.