Back in November of 2011, I had the honor of pimpin’ one of my favorite writer friend’s new self-published book to you guys. The writer was a sweet and sassy mom writer I had connected with (and fallen in LOVE with) on twitter named Robin O’Bryant and the book was none other than Ketchup is a Vegetable (And Other Lies Moms Tell Themselves).
I shared a book excerpt and a hilarious interview here on Aspiring Mama and then I stood back, grabbed a pen, and took some notes as I watched Robin show the world how self-publishing should be done. (I’ll give you a hint: New York Times Bestseller List and a two book deal.)
But I’ll let Robin tell you the rest. Just make sure to stick around for the entire post because Book Giveaway and SIGNED COPY, y’all. That’s why.
Pauline Campos: Let’s just hit the ground running here, Robin. Exactly how many kinds of awesome are you?
Robin O’Bryant: I think maybe one shade, because I’m really excellent at doing nothing and being more than one shade seems like it’d be a lot of work. Right now, I’m trying to decide if I have the energy to read or if I’m just going to watch Netflix and drool.
PC: I like the second option. But we can talk about movies later. I wanna know if I can be you when I grow up. You started with an an idea for a book that got you your agent, self-syndicated a very popular (and utterly hilarious) column, self-published Ketchup is a Vegetable, worked your ass off to make it to the New York Times bestsellers list, and earned a two-book deal for Ketchup and the forth-coming Are You There God? It’s Me, Mommy– all in a — what is it now? — four year’s time span?
RO: Yep. I keep track because my youngest daughter was 1 when I started and is 5 now! It’s been a whirlwind.
PC: And somehow, with all of that husslin’, you somehow managed to feed, clothe, and interact with your children, not alienate your non-writer friends, and your husband is still speaking to you? Not to outshine the major book drop news but exactly how does one replicate this? (I’m asking for a friend.)
RO: I answer a lot of those questions in “Are You There God?”– it wasn’t easy or effortless. I spent a lot of time feeling like a terrible wife and mother. But I’d say the short answer is: Jesus, Zoloft, therapy, yoga and a group of friends you wouldn’t believe existed.
PC: I know you’re a Christian woman and grace is a Big Thing for nice folks like you who don’t drop F-bombs like drunken sailors *coughs* but I’m imaging Toby Keith’s How Do You Like Me Now is on repeat in your writing playlist, like, ALLTHETIME. And before you answer, know that I’ll be slightly less crushed if you say no than I was when I learned that reality TV is actually scripted.
RO: This is another thing I talk about in “Are You There God?”! I am a Christian but I cuss like a sailor in real life. For me, in my own writing, curse words seem to take away from my message. I just can’t do it on the page, it distorts my voice. You should have seen all the words my beta reader took out of the next book!
I don’t like Toby Keith’s music– I’m Southern but not that kind of Southern. But I definitely have moments when I feel like screaming, “IN YOUR FACE WORLD!! YOU SAID I COULDN’T DO IT AND I DID!”
When I was first starting out I sent a piece to an online humor site and got a scathing reply from the editor telling me that I wasn’t really writing humor because all I was doing was transcribing what my kids said. A few years later she started following me on a social media site. It took every bit of strength I had not to have a Pretty Woman moment with her and say, “Remember me?? Big mistake. Huge.”
PC: See? I was right. That felt just like I thought it would. Maybe there’s still hope, though. I shared a room with you and Sister Wife once at a BlogHer conference. Do I get to call you Robin still? Or does the fact that you got to hear me snore mean I’m now to refer to you as Ms. O’Bryant?
RO: Robin is fine. I’m just not sure you’ll be able to call me roommate again. ; )
PC: That one hurt, Robin. Seriously. But The Husband is currently sending virtual high-fives your way. Whatever THAT’S about. Anyway, finish this sentence:
RO: I’m at the beach…
PC: No, really. I totally got distracted by a squirrel just now. When you stop laughing at me, I’d really like you to finish that sentence.
RO:…my plan is to drink coffee until lunch then switch to alkeehol. I’m going to get some Vitamin D and be in bed by 7:30.
PC: YOU DO LOVE ME! Okay, back to Ketchup. Remember when you first launched and then the government declared tomato sauce on pizza was considered a vegetable and I was all THE US GOVERNMENT HAS APPROVED THIS MESSAGE because BEST TIMING EVER? Good times, right?
RO: Lol!! I know! I used it as a hook for my press release thanks to suggestions from Ariel Gore’s “
How to Become a Famous Writer Before You’re Dead: Your Words in Print and Your Name in Lights, ” which you recommended to me.
PC: I think I’ve read that book about 10 times. Obviously, you took way better notes than I did. Can I borrow them? And what’s the game plan for the big Ketchup relaunch? A book tour? Who gets to play you in the eventual sit-com? Or would you rather go the RoseAnne Barr route and just play yourself?
RO: I am going on book tour, you can find all of the dates here. If I’m not going to be close to you, you can order books from my local indie store, Turnrow Books and I’ll personalize them & they’ll ship them to your front door!
AND I’m highly available for private speaking engagements, you can email me at robinschicks(at)gmail.com if you are interested.
Honestly, I used to fantasize about being an actress but it would be so weird to play me with Not Zeb, Not Aubrey, Not Emma, and Not Sadie. Zeb O’Bryant would die first and I don’t have the money to spend to send all three girls to Promises for their 15th birthdays so I guess that job would be up for grabs. If, in some alternate universe, any of my stories were made into movies, I would want Jennifer Lawrence to play me because she’s the only person I can think of who is as ridiculous as I am.
PC: Last one– If you had to do it all over again, would you do anything differently?
RO: Absolutely not. I am so grateful for the way everything unfolded. Self-pubbing first gave me the opportunity to take baby-steps before I made the plunge into traditional publishing. I would have been lost in this process, but I’m more confident now. I’ve done this before, the only difference is that instead of it just being me and my agent, I have a whole TEAM of people who are helping me. I am so in love with every single person I’ve worked with at St Martin’s Press.
Now for the giveaway details: St. Martin’s Press is offering one copy of the shiny pretty new Ketchup and Robin has graciously offered to make sure it’s personalized. Considering the fact that I forgot to bring my own copy to BlogHer in 2012 to get my ROOMMATE to sign for me, I think this is a pretty sweet deal for y’all.
How do you enter? Leave me a comment. It can be about anything, really, but bonus points will be given to those who say something that tells me and Robin that you do, in fact, realize this post had nothing to do with knitting turtle cozies or the earliest time of the day during which it is socially acceptable to add more vodka to your orange juice (The answer is: I’m not judging). The contest will close at midnight (EST) on Monday, March 31, and one winner will be randomly selected via twitter or email. And don’t forget — you can pre-order Ketchup is a Vegetable at major retailers right here!