I passed my Internet to IRL Stalker test yesterday. And with flying colors, to boot, having driven two hours to wait three for five minutes with The Bloggess.
I also did not know that bringing a five-year-old to a book signing on a Saturday night would grant me the opportunity to skip ahead in line and save about an hour of just standing there, but I do now and plan to keep a random five-year-old on standby for book signings and Stalker Re-certification training because mine will eventually age out.
Jenny is amazing, and you already know that, so it’s not like I made The Husband drive me just so I could let it slip to anyone that would listen that I, like, totally already know Jennybecausethatishernameyouknow and follow up with this little story about how she once pet my mexifro in a Hilton bathroom. Now that I think about it, that sounds kind of raunchy, and it’s probably why The Husband got excited when I first told him that story two years ago until he found out that Jenny isn’t a redhead. And it totally explains why he got all huffy and told me to stop embellishing my stories when he read my blog and realized she just hugged me in the bathroom and asked me to show her my mexifro and then I took a picture of it and posted in online for the world to see. I, personally, don’t really see why he got all worked up.
I would write more, but I’m functioning on about two hours of sleep after being kept awake all night by some horrible and mysterious food allergy reaction, thereby proving my level of suckness has been upped to code She’s Probably Just a Giant Fucking Hypchondriac So Let’s Serve her the Peanuts and See What Happens on the national registry of dinner guests. And then, because destroying my own dignity wasn’t enough last night, one of the dogs had her ass explode multiple times from only God knows what and I somehow managed to not throw up on my MacBook every time I sat back down after cleaning the mess up to work on Girl Body Pride. I think my point was that I’m tired and then I wrote a bunch of shit saying how I wasn’t going to do exactly that so let’s all blame the Adderall for only lasting four hours before I start pissing you off again.
So here are the highlights: a small child that was not my own raised her hand to ask The Bloggess why she is so freaking awesome and her mother automatically won for Coolest Mother of the Year because, obviously. And then a small child that is my own tried getting a reaction out of me today by dramatically calling out LIKE, WHAT THE FOOT, MOM???? before falling down into a pile of giggles and cluelessness because there was this microphone and this book reading and there’s probably going to be a few very offended teachers tomorrow when other people’s kids get that last part right…in public…because that’s always a bonus.
The other best parts of the night includes Jenny graciously accepting a Buttercup original artwork and making one little girl’s day when Mommy’s Writing Friend promised to hang it in her office because that makes her a real artist. The Husband giving up his day off to drive two hours so we could wait for three hours for five minutes with a woman I am proud to say actually remembered me when I stood before her was also a bonus. And when I walked away with my smiling kid and my signed copes of her book and he started talking about what it will be like when it’s my turn after I get published while we drove back home, I just smiled and let him dream out loud.