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I’m a dreamer. That means I rock the creative side of most anything I do but utterly suck at implementation so even the good ideas take forever to become new realities. Case in point? Creating my line of #ChingonFest greeting cards in my new Zazzle shop. Reader response to my quotes has been incredible and I’ve fielded plenty of requests for ways to bring the quotes home in swag form to show off the Chingona Spirit! Last night, inspiration hit and now the AspiringMama shop is open for business. I’ll be designing prints of my horse photography, greeting cards and buttons with Chingona quotes, and so much more!

Check it out and tell me what you think!

To celebrate the store launch, I’m running a contest!

Up for grabs are:

 

 

Yeah, it's one of my favorite's, too.

Yeah, it’s one of my favorite’s, too.

*  one Celebrate Who You Are Button

I know, total conversation starter...

I know, total conversation starter…

*  one #ChingonaFest Button

I like to chant this silently   to pep myself up in the toy section at Target before telling my kid "No."

I like to chant this silently to pep myself up in the toy section at Target before telling my kid “No.”

* and a set of three Stronger if you Do Greeting Cards.

 

There will be one winner for each prize category listed. To enter, you must:

 

* sign up for my Tortilla Press newsletter (that’s the only place winners will be announced for this contest and any I run from here on out)

* visit my Zazzle shop, take a look around, and head back here to leave me a comment on this post sharing which you like most or what you would like to see added

 

One bonus entry per social media share can swing the odds in your favor, though. All you need to do is share the following on any or all of your social media channels and leave me a separate comment with the direct URL of each link shared.

I just entered to win #chingonafest swag from @pauline_campos ’ new zazzle shop! http://bit.ly/QTMjlO #chingonafest 

I’m excited. You guys are talking to me about online classes and requesting workshops in your city on how to embrace your inner Chingona and raise one of your own (and, of course, the boys who will grow up to love the next generation of self-respecting bad-ass women). It’s incredible and I am brainstorming ways to make things happen. For now? Spread the word and share the love, because without you guys, I’m kinda like the fallen tree in the forest wondering if anyone heard that hilariously improper thing I just said.

And for this week, that’s all she wrote.

 

 

What does one buy her husband to make up for the general craziness of the writing/blogging/freelancing life putting the sex life on the back burner when Important Things Are Happening that Must Be Attended to Right This Minute? I’m thinking the man-equivalent to Something Shiny and Sparkly.

Don’t say a Ferrari. I’m freelancing. That Writer-Speak for “Looks Good On Paper Only” with “Fucking Broke” understood to be the most accepted translation. Besides, it’s not like I came home smelling like another man’s cologne or something. That, my friends, would require what normal people tend to refer to as “Free Time”.  I have been told this “Free Time” is something one can only find outside of The Internet and requires the separation, if only temporary, mind you, of self and laptop. Always interesting, this learning about the habits of the Non-Writer.

The other night, after a frantic nod to, um, Quality Time, (and a “Was That Good For You? Yes? Good!,” exchange as I bolted out of the room and into my email to reply to a revision request from my editor, I realized I’m married to a saint. I mean, I knew that before Oh Husband Whom I Know is Reading These Words, but sometimes, the little Aha! Moments tend to jump out and say You Have No Idea How Difficult You Are to Live With Sometimes and Why is Pinterest Giving His Penis a Complex?

Let’s discuss, shall we? Or would it be easier to just get a calendar and a Sharpie and circle the other days of the month indicating:

  • Deadlines
  • Twitter parties
  • Sherlock
  • That blog post I REALLY need to write about that thing that just went viral that I’ll go to my grave swearing a tiny part of me wasn’t convinced my brilliant response would go viral, too
  • General stabbiness because ten different bloggers TOLD me I’m a much better writer than that two-bit hack that went viral only because she got lucky (after I asked them, of course)
  • My fictional characters in that novel I’m writing just acted out the next scene inside my head I have to write RIGHT now or I lose it all
  • The kid drove me nuts all day
  • PINTEREST
  • Live-tweeting Downton Abby
  • I got in a phone fight with his mom
  • I got in a phone fight with my mom
  • We’re out of chocolate
  • We’re out of wine
  • We’re out of chocolate-flavored wine
  • The hours I need to comb through blog archives in search of THE PERFECT PIECE of literary wit to submit to –
  • A) Listen To Your Mother
  • B) Blogher Voices of the Year
  • That Facebook quiz I need to take to figure out what character I’m most like in Harry Potter, which leads me to the one about what kind of French cheese I am
  • The dishes in the sink that aren’t gonna do themselves
  • The fifteenth online book launch party this month for yet another friend I can’t let down
  • The twitter argument I have to finish with this idiot who has no fucking clue who they’re messing with
  • The planets are out of alignment
  • Mercury is in retrograde …. Again
  • File another invoice while secretly cursing the chick with the 300 Sandwiches and the book deal
  • I’m busy buying 19 more URL’s for ideas I’ll never get to…just in case
  • Frantic text conversations with the online friends I’ve yet to meet in person discussing Important Things like how many pairs of shoes to pack for that conference none of us have actually purchased tickets for yet
  • My 1,000 word goal for the day is still 989 words short
  • The NEED to Google my blog Alexa rank RIGHT NOW even though I still have no idea what it means
  • Which, obviously, is to be followed up by checking my Klout score
  • *Googling “Does Klout Matter to People who don’t think in 140?
  • I haven’t yet taken 30 selfies from different angles, narrowed it down to the perfect one, and thought up a witty caption for that #365feministselfie thing and posted it EVERYWHERE before I even THINK of getting naked
  • That important email I’m waiting for that will show up right now if I keep hitting refresh
  • The conference call I’m waiting on in east coast time with everybody else in west coast time
  • The kid drove me nuts all day & we’re out of chocolate-flavored wine
  • The writing and scheduling of next week’s blog posts
  • When I was frisky while he was at work and I was home alone and I took care of it myself already because I was being proactive and really should be congratulated for thinking ahead to free up my night to …
  • Pick any of the above

Damn. Poor guy puts up with a lot, doesn’t he?

We writers are a special bunch. And the people who are nuts enough to love us deserve their own reality shows, I think. Because when we make it big? That’s when we make it up to them and they can proudly tell the world they knew marrying the crazy lady would totally pay off in the end.

Just let me finish up this chapter so I can write this blog post and hit Publish because dammit, this one’s gonna go viral.

I just know it.

 

 

Social media has made me a parental super hero.

Ever since Eliana was a little thing, twitter and Facebook and (more recently) instagram have connected me to an entire world to which I wouldn’t otherwise have access. (And yes, I almost ended this sentence with the word “to” but then the voice of a former newspaper editor said something in my head about unicorns dying, so I changed it to read like I actually follow proper grammar on a regular basis. Also? I like unicorns. Anyway….)

Princess Katie of Princess Katie and Racer Steve (have your volume off when you click the link if you’re at work) once tweeted a FEEL BETTER in response to my update about Eliana being sick. I’m pretty sure the wide-eyed wonder in Eliana’s face as she blinked up in pure disbelief while I read PK’s well-wishing tweet is what cemented my role in the Parenting Hall of Fame. Not only did PK know who I was, she knew who Eliana was because of me. And because Eliana had no concept of twitter or followers or what in God’s name a social media update was — and because I handle almost all of my SoMe updates on my iPhone — the tweet became a text and that meant that Princess Katie Had My Phone Number.

That means I win at Parenting, y’all.

Since then, I’ve been asked to text Santa her Christmas list, the Tooth Fairy to let her know another tooth was loose, the Easter Bunny to let him know we moved, and countless other Magical Beings about countless other Magical Things. On the flipside — and because Mama is gonna milk this for as long as she can — I’ve stopped tantrums in their tracks and witnessed Feats of Perfect Behavior during Otherwise No Good Very Bad Days  simply by muttering something about how Santa just texted a poll to parents asking their thoughts on how many pieces of coal should appear in stockings for the kids on the Naughty List.

I’m an evil genius and you’re welcome.

Not too long ago, maybe around the time we launched Eliana’s blog that we don’t have the time to post on as often as I’d like, texts became tweets and instagram became AppleDog and the Story Pirates nominated me for Best Mom on the Internet. Okay, so not really. But they should and I’d totally be gracious and surprised if they actually did because I’m modest like that. Also? I probably deserve a cookie for making it 400 words without saying a bad word so you’re welcome for that, too.

Back to the AppleDog story…I took a picture, Eliana asked me to tell the Story Pirates on AppleDog so they could see the picture, too, and they did AND RESPONDED.  Had it ended there, I’d still be just as giddy as the day I realized I could use my iPhone addiction as a peace negotiator with The Guardians. But then this happened….

No seriously…where’s my tiara?

I have no words for how awesome today was made simply because of this exchange. It highlighted to me exactly why the Story Pirates are the phenomenon they have become with the kids who listen to their podcast, check in on Kids Place Live, or are lucky enough to see them perform in person. The concept is brilliantly simple and beautifully executed: kids write their own stories, submit to the Story Pirates for consideration, and if selected, the story is turned into a play and PERFORMED on air or on stage. If not? The Story Pirates have been known to write a kind word or two on the back of submitted stories before sending them back to the hopeful playwrites. It’s creative inspiration, acknowledgement, and the fostering of literary love all wrapped in glittery awesomeness.

Today’s update from the Story Pirates wasn’t just a feather in my parenting cap. It was the moment Eliana realized she has a voice.

Plus I totally have Santa Clause on speed dial now…so sorry about that tantrum your kid just threw in the toy store.

 

This totally makes up for high school. y'all.

 

 

The official Girl Body Pride Bracelet has been exclusively designed for us by the ever-talented Berkey Designs on Etsy.

 

This beautiful aluminum cuff bracelet is hand-stamped with the Girl Body Pride tag (Just The Way We Are) on the outside and the personal mantra that became www,girlbodypride.com on the inside.

 

Pretty, isn’t it? You could win this exclusive Girl Body Pride aluminum cuff bracelet designed for me by Berkey Designs on Etsy during tonight’s #30secondmom twitter chat. I’m leading the discussion tonight and we’re talking Body Image: Learning to Love Your Reflection in the Face of Societal Pressure to be Perfect.

There’s also a Zamzee up for grabs for one lucky chat participant!I love my sponsors, and I think you will, too.

I would love to see you during the #30secondmom party tonight, and your support would be greatly appreciated in getting the word out.

 

Send a message to your social media friends by cutting and pasting the following in a tweet or any other social media forum:

 

Learn 2 love yourself no matter what! Join @aspiringmama & #30secondmom Wed 8pmCT/9ET RSVP 2 win prizes:http://bit.ly/xwg237

Join #30secondmom & @aspiringmama 4 an amazing body image chat! Wed 8pmCT/9ET RSVP 2 win prizes http://bit.ly/xwg237

Who’s in?

 

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