Because They’d Totally Be Sitting At My Lunch Table if This Was High School

 5 Responses »
Mar 142012
 

I’m knee-deep in Crazy right now trying to finish my mom’s taxes, not quite awake after an all-nighter with the idiot puppy Fezzik dog who decided a dropped pistachio shell might make for a fun $300 emergency trip to the all-night veterinarian, and still all googly-eyed over the I GOT AN AGENT thing. Then there’s the Wishing My Proposal Would Revise Itself because *that’s* a whole lot of Insane and it makes me want to chase my morning orange juice with a bottle of Nyquil.

But there’s no time to bury myself in a pile of despair! Not with Buttercup to keep busy and the dog to keep from costing me more money.

Also? My friends have been BUSY LITTLE BEES and I’m really only breaking my regular blogging schedule so I can do a Show and Tell showcasing their Awesomeness because these ladies would totally be sitting at my high school lunch table.

Ready? Here we go… 

Have you heard about CJ REDWINE and her debut YA book, DEFIANCE? It’s amazing. Check out the official release info over at YA BOOKS and then click on over to CJ’s blog to enter for a sweet chance at an autographed copy of DEFIANCE and some snazzy swag.

Remember my review of Ketchup is a Vegetable: And Other Lies Moms Tell Themselves by Robin O’Bryant? If not, read this author interview first to catch up with the rest of the class. Love it? Yeah, me too.

Hungry for more? Good. Robin has a Second Helping available for her fans on Amazon. The ebook is a collection of 22 of her reader’s best loved pieces from her self-syndicated column. Oh and bonus? Prime members get to read it for free. No prime? No problem. Skip the tall skinny latte at Starbucks today and support an author today so you can say you knew her when tomorrow.

 

 

Meet the Ermas: Round 1

 5 Responses »
Dec 282011
 

I love to laugh. Almost as much as I love to make other people laugh (clarification: on PURPOSE, yo.)

So when I was asked to officially hop on the An Army of Ermas bandwagon by the incredibly awesome Stacey I. Graham, I naturally said (and I quote), “Hell Yes!” The beauty of the Ermas site is the multitude of talent you’ll find and the humor* (and ability to relate to the real life moments) in the stories shared by each and every writer for the site.

Being a writer myself, I always like to get to know the person behind the words on the screen, and I’m hoping you will, too. There’s a lot of Ermas and I’d like for you to get to know each one. Today I’m featuring an interview with Adam Slade. I promise I only featured him first because of the sexy English accent I’m imagining.

PMC- Vanilla or chocolate? I know you expected me to start with age, rank, and serial number, but we need to set the tone for this interview first. Vanilla is safe and boring. Chocolate is funny and a bit adventurous. Or was it the other way around?

Adam-Vanilla, but in a funny and adventurous way. Ha! I’m complex!(With real vanilla pods. Mmm…)

PMC: Sneaky bastard. Okay then. Do you chew your ice cream?

Adam: Yes. Unless it contains nothing chewy. In which case, yes.

PMC: Good. I don’t trust people who don’t chew ice cream. Now that we’re past the pleasantries, I want name, rank, and serial number. Who are you, exactly. And why should I think you’re funny?

AS: Adam Slade, Chief Accountant in Charge of Sheep-Dip, #42, MA’AM.

I’m an English author of fantasy and humour (with a U), and have a few books under my belt that you should definitely buy. I’ll even throw in a belt to carry them with (I won’t). I currently live in Canada with my wife and cat. Both are lovely, though one occasionally bites me.
You should think I’m funny because I try really hard at it. (Don’t believe those who say it should come naturally – notice how they’re never funny people.)
PMC: I see. Where can one buy your books? And I want that belt.

AS: One (and you, yes you) can buy my books on pretty much every internet ebook seller there is. To cut down on finger strain, though, I’ll just link that Amazonian one.

Belts come only with large purchases. Large enough that I can afford to buy a belt from the royalties.
I also write erotic romance under another name, but that’s a secret, so you’ll just have to buy lots and lots of it in the hope that you get one of mine.

PMC: I was waiting for you to tell me erotic was spelled with a “u”. So, Mr. English. Tell me about this Erma gig you’ve got going on. Did you bribe Stacey with brownies to get in, too?

AS: Nope. Unless you have a past you’re not telling me about, there’s no “u” in erotica. If I plied Stacey with my brownies, she’d have me arrested for attempted poisoning. After she beat me up, of course. Everyone knows editors have serious guns from all that crossing-out.

Last Christmas Our Glorious Leader put up a competition, asking people to submit their funniest Chrimbo-themed articles. The winner would get both praise and their article posted on the site. Since I’d wussed out of the previous call for writers, I manned up just enough to write something for the contest, and Stacey decided it was worth posting. Just after that, she offered me a spot on the Ermas roster and I said ‘booya’, followed by ‘yes’.
I tend to post about once every 2 months, as spots are limited, and sometimes I’m too late/lazy to grab one. I try and keep the articles silly.

PMC: No bribing? Obviously, there is some favoritism present. *lesigh* I was gonna say there is no “I” in erotic but that just backfired on me. So back to you. Where can one find you on the interwebz?

AS: What can I say? It’s my English charm. Or the begging. Probably the begging, come to think of it.

I’m speedy with my innuendos. It’s a gift. Or a curse. A girse? That sounds like a cross between a giraffe and a horse. Cuft, then?
You can find me in many many places, as I use the internet far too much. My main blog has links to everything else. I’d love for some new followers to go with my ol–, uh, less new ones. They’re a lovely bunch. Most can move about without walkers, too.
PMC: Do you ever tweet? Cuz I’m on, like, all the time. And I never see you! Talk more. That might reel in the non-walker crowd.

Just my two cents.

Okey dokey then. Oh wait! You said English charm! Do you have an English accent to go with it? Will you read my my grocery list?

AS: I do tweet, but nowhere near as frequently as I used to. It’s a failing of mine.

Yes, I have an English accent, and yes, I can read your shopping list. Lemme see…
Mexifro comb, oil for elliptical trainer, three extra large packets of sarcasm…

PMC: You’re lucky I like you….

***

*I thought about adding the “U” out of respect for my English guest. Then I decided I like the way the word looks better when spelled properly.

The Writer’s Christmas Countdown

 3 Responses »
Dec 162011
 

You call them “Blog Archives.” I call them “Re-Runs.”

Enjoy the song, y’all. I’ve got to go hide in a closet and wrap some more gifts for a certain child who shall hereby be referred to as Spoiled Sweet.

Daddy served chocolate cupcakes for breakfast. I promised never to make him cook again.

 

***

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
An idea for a brand new book.

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Two new shiny chapters
and an idea for a brand new book

On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me
three plot holes,
two new shiny chapters,
and an idea for a brand new book.

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me
Four hours wasted tweeting,
three plot holes,
two new shiny chapters,
and an idea for a brand new book.

On the fifth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Five thousand words,
Four hours wasted tweeting,
three plot holes,
two new shiny chapters,
and an idea for a brand new book.

On the sixth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
six beta readers,
five thousand words,
Four hours wasted tweeting,
three plot holes,
two new shiny chapters,
and an idea for a brand new book.

On the seventh day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
seven likes on Facebook,
six beta readers,
five thousand words,
Four hours wasted tweeting,
three plot holes,
two new shiny chapters,
and an idea for a brand new book.

On the eighth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
eight new rejections,
seven likes on Facebook,
six beta readers,
five thousand words,
Four hours wasted tweeting,
three plot holes,
two new shiny chapters,
and an idea for a brand new book.

On the ninth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
nine query rewrites,
eight new rejections,
seven likes on Facebook,
six beta readers,
five thousand words,
Four hours wasted tweeting,
three plot holes,
two new shiny chapters,
and an idea for a brand new book.

On the tenth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
ten tweets supporting,
nine new rejections,
eight query rewrites,
seven likes on Facebook,
six beta readers,
five thousand words,
Four hours wasted tweeting,
three plot holes,
two new shiny chapters,
and an idea for a brand new book.

On the eleventh day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
eleven foursquare updates,
ten tweets supporting,
nine query rewrites,
eight new rejections,
seven likes on Facebook,
six beta readers,
five thousand words,
Four hours wasted tweeting,
three plot holes,
two new shiny chapters,
and an idea for a brand new book.

On the twelfth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
twelve agent offers,
eleven foursquare updates,
ten tweets supporting,
nine query rewrites,
eight new rejections,
seven likes on Facebook,
six beta readers,
five thousand words,
Four hours wasted tweeting,
three plot holes,
two new shiny chapters,
and an idea for a brand new book.

Win a Date with Brooke Warner

 7 Responses »
May 172011
 

Time and money.

Not exactly things I thought about when I woke up with an idea to write a book. But after jetting off to three conferences last year (two of which weren’t even writing specific) with my proposal in my briefcase and dreams of coming home with a book deal, I now realize I have wasted a lot of both.

I’m not saying that it doesn’t happen because it does. But the fairy tale stories of bloggers being approached by agents with contracts ready to sign and the conference match-ups between writers and agents that lead to the stuff dreams are made of are not exactly what a new writer needs to be banking on. Especially when said writer (read: me) only thought I was the greatest thing since sliced bread. ( I know…it was hard for me to wrap my head around, too.)

I had worked with a few novice editors to get the proposal together, tighten up my manuscript, and then basically sat back waiting for glory to find me. Yeah, I know. And after a year of queries, rejections, and a few lukewarm nibbles of interest, I finally took a step back, looked in the mirror, and admitted to myself that something needed to change.

Namely? No more wasting time. No more wasting money. Also? Time to tame to ego.

My new outlook led me to Brooke Warner, a writing coach and Seal Press Editor. But before I found Brooke, I had to find my way to She Writes, a wonderful community of writers in every stage of the game. Oh. And did I mention that membership is free? Score one on the not wasting money thing.

Shortly after receiving my email of acceptance into She Writes, I saw a notice for a webinar with Brooke for members interested in learning more about the publishing industry and how to better prepare their work for success. There was a little bit of money involved…but seeing as the price did not involve a plane ticket, hotel room, conference fee, or a new wardrobe (because of course I couldn’t wear the same clothes to every conference…who does that?) I figured I did pretty well. While listening to Brooke share her wisdom during the webinar, I knew I had done pretty well.

And when I finally scored an hour long consultation with Brooke (after waiting on a list oh-so-patiently for a few months)? I found myself wondering why I hadn’t pulled my head out of my ass a long time ago, joined She Writes, got all participatory with other writers, and found Brooke before I spent a lot of money on glorified opportunities to hang out with my social media friends. (Disclaimer: If I met you at one of these conferences, I am totally talking about everyone else being the waste of money. Not you. Oh no. Cuz you made it all worth it. Yes you did. *Pinches Cheeks*)

An hour. That’s exactly what my paypal account paid for and what I got with Brooke. Doesn’t sound like much, perhaps. But trust me when I say every second was worth it. In those 60 minutes, Brooke gave new insights on my proposal and a few sample chapters, highlighting exactly what wasn’t working and even pointing out a few red flags that most likely accounted for the majority of my rejections on the manuscript to date. Brooke also shared what was working and which strengths  to capitalize upon. I hung up the phone wondering where she had been all my life and ready to edit the hell again out of my proposal and manuscript.

The best part was the follow up email in which Brooke called me bitchy. Not in the “OMG, Becky,” kind of way but instead in the “I like your snarky voice” kind of way. Seriously, people? Best. Feedback. EVER.

I can’t promise she will call you names, but I’m betting an hour on the phone with Brooke Warner may be an investment worth considering for those thinking about a writing coach.

You’re welcome.

***

Consider this the epilogue. If you are still reading, you are being rewarded for dealing with my long-winded-ness with a chance to score an hour long phone consultation of Your Very Own with writing coach extraordinaire, Brooke Warner. No, I am not making that up and yes, I did check with Brooke first before making this little announcement. Normally, these sessions run are not free, so consider this a big BIG opportunity to save some moolah and get some kickin’ feedback on your little ole’ work in progress.

To enter, leave a comment explaining why you think you would benefit from a phone consult with The Divine Ms. Warner. Make it good, people. I have a semi-secret-but-not-really panel of four judges who will be helping me decide who gets to make The Call for a Consult!

Entries will be accepted through midnight, EST, on Wednesday, May 25.

Writing, Paying the Bills, and a Little Perspective

 2 Responses »
Apr 222011
 

Today’s post is a guest column. Please read, enjoy, and leave Princess Jones a comment to let her know how nice everyone is in my sandbox. Then? Go visit her site. Your welcome.

***

I remember the first book I ever wrote. It was called The Saga of Barbie and Ken. It detailed their meeting on a busy sidewalk, their whirlwind courtship, the return of her evil twin Barbie 2 and Barbie’s quest across the deserts of Saudi Arabia to rescue Ken. It was actually pretty cheesy now that I think about it. Still, I have to forgive myself because I was only seven.

Like many writers, putting stories on paper has always been something I’ve enjoyed. I was good at it in school. I was on the school newspaper, literary journal and yearbook staff.  I kept journal after journal of my every thought and feeling. You couldn’t stop me from writing. I bet you were that way, too. Unlike the butchers, bakers and candlestick makers of the world, writers usually have the desire to write ingrained in them from an early age. I’ve never met a mailman who took his first crack at delivering mail in grade school, but almost every writer I know started that young.

For most of us, the ultimate goal is to make writing pay the bills full-time. It’s the universal dream to put “WRITER” in the occupation box for the first time without any hesitation. (It’s a damn good feeling. I recommend it to anyone if they want a rush of excitement.) But, the one thing nobody tells you when you become a professional writer is that it’s not the same as writing for fun. Even if you’re writing the exact same type of stuff, it just feels different.

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer was always one of my favorite books. The part about whitewashing the fence has always stuck with me. If you don’t know it, it’s the chapter where Tom is being forced to whitewash (paint) a fence as punishment. So he convinces passersby that this work is actually the best time he’s ever had and he’s glad to be doing it. In the end, he convinces them so well, they’re willing to pay him for the honor of whitewashing that fence, too.

To paraphrase Mr. Twain, the line between work and play is simply what we “have” to do and what we “get” to do. It’s all about perspective. Even you favorite thing can lose its luster when you have to do it to pay the bills.

Years ago, writing was playing for me. My “real job” paid my bills. Anytime I could come home from that hell hole and open a Word doc was heaven. Now, writing is what I have to do if I’d like to eat or pay my cable bill. Just the other night I was having a hard time with some upheaval in my life. Five or six years ago I would have written about my feelings until I had worked it out. Now, just picking up a pen and pad makes me think of work. I don’t know if I’d call it burnout, exactly. I prefer to call it a problem separating writing as work and writing as a hobby.

There’s no magic bullet for getting your writing mojo back, though. I think the problem is that while I’m doing a lot of passionate projects, I’m not doing enough passion projects. It’s time to get back to writing for the love of writing and nothing else. That means that I’m going to have to go against that instinct we all have to turn our writing into “something.” I think that part of me getting my writing groove back is allowing some my writing to just be. . . instead of turning it into yet another a project or a task.

And as for any of you out there who are pre-published or furiously working toward starting a full-time writing career, I’d tell you to take a moment and breathe. Enjoy the place you are right now. Because, as wonderful as it is to be paid for something you love, there’s something about doing what you love just because you love it.

***

Princess Jones writes and writes and writes. Her newest project, She’s Self-Employed, is a site dedicated to women who run their own businesses and write their own checks. When she isn’t writing, she’s tweeting under @iampsjones.

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